My mother, maiden name Elizabeth Helen Mitchell, was born in Oakland, Maine in 1917. She went by the first name Betty. Her heritage is English and Irish. Her father Warren Mitchell’s ancestors go back to Cromwell, England, coming to Maine in 1638. Nine generations later, her father was born in 1892. He became an auto mechanic with his own garage. In 1915, her father married Electra Viola Libby. Electra’s ancestors were Irish from Dublin, Ireland.
My mother never spoke much about her life growing up in Oakland, Maine and I regret not asking her. She had a younger brother and sister. Her mother lost her sight early in her married life from a fireworks accident or glaucoma and also was hard of hearing. Yet her mother was able to maintain a household with all the cooking, canning, laundry, and other tasks required. I’m sure my mother, as the oldest child, was required to help out a lot. And I am also sure my mother had a goal to graduate from college. She bore a heavy load growing up but, as her later life showed, was positive about life, planned, and used her time very wisely and efficiently.
Lester and Elizabeth Smith Marriage Photo, 1940
She was the only sibling to go to college, enrolling at the University of Maine in 1934 in the middle of the Great Depression. To make ends meet she made and sold sandwiches in her dorm and worked summers at a summer camp on Great Pond near Oakland. She was outgoing and social and joined the Pi Beta Phi sorority and stayed active in the sorority alumni association for the rest of her life. As to meeting my father, she told the story of being on a date in college with a guy at a play and my dad sitting behind them and remarking how big the guy’s ears were. A smooth talker no but persistent yes. Mom graduated with a BS in home economics in 1938 and taught home ec in high school for two years, marrying Dad in 1940. Dad’s story is that he rescued her from an old maid’s fate.
My memories growing up of Mom are ones of gratitude and thanks for what she did for me and her legacy. With her family, her love was unwavering, unconditional, and enduring. She always acknowledged our accomplishments when talking to her friends and defended us when we were criticized. To this day I have newspaper clippings she cut out and saved of my exploits in little league baseball.
My memories growing up of Mom are ones of gratitude and thanks for what she did for me and her legacy. With her family, her love was unwavering, unconditional, and enduring. She always acknowledged our accomplishments when talking to her friends and defended us when we were criticized. To this day I have newspaper clippings she cut out and saved of my exploits in little league baseball.
Mom Bringing Me Home From Hospital in Burlington, Vermont, September 1945-
the Beginning of a Life Long Bond
Perhaps the best quality to use to describe her is selflessness- she sacrificed her immediate happiness for others, especially our family. By the time our family settled in Lafayette, Indiana when I was 8, the family had moved 17 times. My Mom had 3 kids quickly and my Dad made little money at the University of Vermont Agronomy Department in the early 1940s and was on the road a lot. To save money we shared a farmhouse with a family, then moved to Burlington and rented a house to attend city schools. We then moved twice a year. My dad bought an “economic” camp on Lake Champlain for summer living, sublet the Burlington house, and then moved back in the fall in time for school. Mom was constantly packing and unpacking our meager family belongings, making do with a small amount of furniture which took a terrible beating with all the moving.
Through all the moves with 3 boys (later 4) and a girl, Mom adapted to increased laundry, food, and so many other roles so we kids could focus on education. I always had clean clothes for school and sports. She was an excellent cook, although not with seasoning like salt and pepper. She cooked nutritious meals with inexpensive ingredients, paid the bills, and handled all our school and other activities. I remember a man telling me at my mom’s funeral in 2007 that he remembered me playing Pony Colt baseball in large part because I always had the cleanest-looking uniform on the field. No complaints from Mom, just encouragement and selfless support (always positive, wise, and efficient- sometimes I wonder if she ever slept), and that played a huge part in determining our family attitude of hard work, education, and self-sufficiency. I have no doubt that had Mom not chosen to devote herself to her 5 children over a career she would have had outstanding career success.
Mom in Kitchen on Hitt Street in Lafayette, Indiana, 1969
Mom was also selfless in helping others, whether through visiting the sick at homes or in the hospital, volunteering for a charity, or opening our home and treating so many others as a family. I remember Mom in the 1960s, while taking care of my 95-year-old grandfather at home, reaching out and connecting with foreign students at Purdue University, and being a host family for students from Thailand, Vietnam, Japan, and more. She invited them to join our family for all holidays and counseled, or encouraged us to counsel them about our culture. All these students stayed in touch with Mom for years afterward. In 1975, mom, at the request of a 1960s Vietnam host student, opened our home for a year to his wife’s relatives- 17 and 19-year-old Vietnamese girls driven out of Vietnam by the communists. They were refugees, spoke no English, ate different foods, and had no future as they were. Mom treated them as family, cooked meals for them, signed them up for English classes, and then Mom and Dad worked with Purdue to get them admitted and allow them to record, not attend, classes to avoid tuition costs. They were both diligent learners, got degrees (one Purdue, the other a business school), and moved to LA County where they got good jobs.
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| Houng and Twie Pham With Mom and Dad in Lafayette, Indiana, 1974 |
Letters were a passion to my mom. When I went away to college and the Army, I got a letter from Mom almost every week. When I was in Vietnam and away from my family, the most treasured gift I received was the mail – a letter from home. Most of my days were filled with fear, loneliness, and disillusionment. Mom’s letters were from “The World”, they were an escape, allowing me an opportunity to temporarily remove myself from the war and enter into a dimension that is humane, friendly, and warm- a personal one with Mom and home. It was huge emotional support and relief from an unknown future. She was the only one that wrote me letters while I was in Vietnam and I remember feeling depressed if there was a mail call and I didn’t receive a letter.
When I went left Vietnam for five days on R&R in Hong Kong in August of 1968, one of the first places I visited was the duty-free China Fleet Club (a famous British merchandise area) as I had $300-400 with me and my first purchase was for my mom. I bought an 8-place setting of Noritake china and had it mailed to mom.
Mom and Dad in Elk Rapids, Michigan, 1995
Mom died in 2007 knowing all of her children including the foreign students had done well. Under her direction, she maintained the pride that was so important to our family with Northeastern roots. Mom’s positive, encouraging, and selfless attitude, her wise planning, time management, and efficiency, even in the face of a huge life load, were the glue that kept our family connected and had the most positive impact on me of anyone in my life. Much of whatever success I achieved rests on a foundation my mother quietly built. She provided encouragement when I doubted myself, stability when life felt uncertain, and love without conditions. Her influence continues to guide me long after her passing. She was an amazing woman!